Chef Heero's Selections
by Keiran
Summary: My responses to gw500 challenges and random ficlets. All of them follow the main idea of Heero in a kitchen. The main problem is, Heero is still Heero. Shounen-ai, possible yaoi and language, each piece is rated separately, genre varies.(R for suggestive
1. Happy Thursday!

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #1: Happy Thursday!  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1plus2  
Rating: G  
Warning: My first gw500 challenge fic. Unbetaed.  
Word Count: 376   
  
"Now this is what I call a challenge," Quatre grinned. However Wufei didn't seem as enthusiastic.  
  
"This," he answered wryly, "is what I call stupidity."  
  
"Well Wuffers, if you put it like that, I feel honour bround to point out that not accepting right now would be what we call 'stupidity'. But of course this is just me baka speaking."  
  
"You are not helping."  
  
"Sorry, was I here to help?"  
  
Somewhere in the background something growled menacingly. Duo turned his head sharply. The remaining three watched curiously the exchange that took place next.  
  
"I'm afraid that it is imperative that you accept the challenge Fei," was the verdict. The Chinese man sighed. There really wasn't much he could do right now, was there? Very gingerly he picked up the object in question and looked at it closely.  
  
It didn't look harmful. Then again, looks can be deceiving and this was Heero they were talking about. Very carefully he extended the very tip of his tongue and swiped it quickly across the thing. Then, equally fast closed his eyes and tried to hide as far as he could with the tiny sample still held firmly between his index and middle finger.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Wufei opened his eyes and - a bit more boldly - bit a tiny fraction of the thing off. He chewed thoughtfully, swallowed and licked his lips. Then he popped the entire thing into his mouth.  
  
Three expectant faces watched him very carefully.  
  
Wufei stared right back. Still carefully he patted his stomach, to ensure that there was no suspicious rumbling going on. Then he patted the top of his head, but he didn't find anything missing there either.  
  
"It's safe," he concluded gruffly.  
  
Heero sighed with something akin to relief and handed Duo a box filled with home-made chocolates.  
  
"Happy Thursday," he said. The braided boy grinned and pecked him on the cheek.  
  
"Thank you!" Carefully he picked up a chocolate, one that was closest to the empty space. "Now that we know they're safe, who wants some?"  
  
Wufei scowled at the pair. If Heero didn't know how to make chocolates, why the hell did he even try? And why the hell he challenged him to check if they were safe to eat? 


	2. Quatre wants Proof

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #2: Quatre wants Proof  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: PG (alcohol and sex are mentioned)  
Warning: Unbetaed.  
Word Count: 519 

* * *

"Maxwell, are you okay?" Duo wearily raised his head from his desk. The blurry shape hovering in front of him gradually became Wufei. There were still some indefinite edges though...  
  
"Wuffers? Whatsa matter, ran outta gel 'smornin'?" he slurred. The Chinese man stared.  
  
"My hair is just fine, thank you." The braided man tried to focus harder.  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry."  
  
"Now, what is wrong?"  
  
"Nuthin'. I just got a hangover from hell," Duo yawned. Wufei raised a brow while Duo managed to gather his wits and answer more clearly. "See, Heero was trying to be romantic last night. So we had dinner and candle light and wine and even bloody flowers and bloody great sex afterwards.  
  
"It's just that... well; Heero is Heero, no matter what he's doing at the moment. So you know he signed this contract with Quatre this weekend, if he can prove that he actually can cook, we'll be throwing birthday parties for us, instead of allowing Q-man employ his flowery strippers, whole posh clubs and cuisine straight out of a ballroom."  
  
"Amen to that," Wufei muttered. "Finally."  
  
"As for Heero, he's down to 'wine' on his contract list." Wufei stared for few seconds. Then suddenly it all became as clear as daylight in Sahara.  
  
"He made you test? But he's so anal about it usually! He made me taste chocolates before you got them!"  
  
"Oh, it was already tested. For eventual harmful effects that is."  
  
"Funny that, I thought Trowa looked weary last Monday," Wufei muttered. Duo grinned. "But I don't get it then, why are you hangover?"  
  
"Well, just because it's safe doesn't necessarily mean it tastes good, right?"  
  
"Oh boy. So, did it?"  
  
"The first five were fine, one or two even better than fine. The next six... reasonable," Duo said cautiously, "but after that I don't really remember the taste all that well."  
  
"I sympathize. Do you want a painkiller?"  
  
"A club to the head would be nice. And I would scram if I were you." Wufei considered this. That usually meant... uh oh.  
  
"So, see you later," he said hurriedly and moved to leave quickly. However it was already too late – there was a mirthless grin between him and the doorway. 'I'm doomed' flew through his head. The grin was hovering right above a carefully wrapped pack.  
  
"Chang. Have a seat," Heero commanded unpacking his load on the desk. Wufei moaned internally. There was no use getting out of it now... So he allowed himself to be sat down and fed a piece of pie. Per minute. In at least three different flavours.  
  
Afterwards he got up with some difficulty and once again tried to leave, but no such luck. Heero produced a few sheets of paper. Wufei stared incredulously.  
  
"You will fill that in," Heero informed. "Quatre wants proof." Still in disbelief the Chinese man stared at his braided friend, who grinned.  
  
"Well, you didn't think a bit of alcohol made my head hurt the next morning?" Gaping at the thorough questionnaire Wufei shook his head. Only Heero would be able to think up thirty questions about a pie. 


	3. You, Duo Maxwell, are a Distraction

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #3: You, Duo Maxwell, are a distraction  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: G  
Warning: Unbetaed.

Challenge #33: Distraction  
Word Count: 643

* * *

There was light. That was all Heero knew or was able to see at the moment – there was light in the end.

He was sitting on a chair, facing the light and warmness spilling all over him and further, enveloping the room. It was a very important stage of the procedure, almost crucial in fact. Of course, everything so far has been prepared with utmost care and consideration, but there was always a chance that something may go wrong and spoil the whole thing in this particular stage.

This was mainly why Heero chose to stay and watch the finalising of his little endeavour. If something went wrong he would know about it soon and be therefore able to take steps necessary to remedy the situation.

The solemnity of his vigil was spoiled however, when a pair of arms wrapped itself around his shoulders.

"Heero, I know you take everything very seriously, but trust me, the oven does not need supervision. It can manage on its own." Heero turned his head.

"We made a deal with Quatre! The lasagne is to be perfect!"

"Yes, it is," Duo sighed pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's neck. "And it will be," he added confidently.

"The optimal heating temperature is very important, so that the ingredients may achieve a proper level of merging. It is vital to monitor the process in order to spot any mistakes as early as possible." Duo puffed sitting on Heero's lap.

"I understand that you want the bloody thing to be perfect, but for heaven's sake, Heero! You've stayed up half the night already to monitor the progress of your triple-layered, cream and chocolate with rum and raspberries cake!"

"Well, yes, but…"

"And the rest of the night you spent putting icing on that bloody cake!"

"I went to sleep," Heero said in more or less small voice.

"Sorry, do you, by any chance, mean the 5 a.m. wake-Duo-up-go-to-sleep-yourself call when you told me that the icing didn't look as well as it was supposed to?" the blue-eyed man opened his mouth to plead his case, but was interrupted. "I've had enough of it. The guys are coming in an hour; you are to spend this time resting! Do ya hear me?" Heero was just about to nod, when his attention was diverted. His eyes widened.

"Aaaah! I knew something like that would happen! I knew it!" he yelled. Pushing Duo off his lap he jumped up and very carefully adjusted the temperature in the oven.

The tiny bubble that sprouted on the topping retreated, taking care not to leave any clues as to its further journey. Somewhere on the floor Duo slapped his forehead.

The Perfect Soldier sighed in relief. A disaster has been avoided. Nevertheless, Steps needed to be taken, to prevent further problems. He turned slowly and stared at his partner hard.

"You, Duo Maxwell, are a distraction." Said distraction gulped. Distractions often did that when faced with Heero Yuy. The latter threw a quick peek into the oven to confirm that everything was going fine, consulted the clock and gazed at Duo again.

Precisely five minutes later Duo found himself outside the door with a ten-dollar bill in his pocket, a scarf around his neck and warm fluffy coat around his shoulders.

Yeah, heaven forbid someone tried to distract Heero Yuy from his mission, he thought rolling his eyes and striding to a nearest café for a 'cup of coffee and a glass of water, nothing more. Do I make myself clear?'

Duo glanced at his watch. 0 hours 49 minutes 12 seconds till he was to report at home. Back to his 'And don't you even think about spoiling your appetite!' Hee-baby. 'With any luck the guys would already be there, so I would be able to eat something right away,' he thought and walked on.

The End


	4. I will not cry

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #4: I will not cry  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: PG  
Warning: Unbetaed, Duo-angst  
Word Count: 538  
Notes: I don't know just where did it come from. It is, it put it simply, the most cliche of all 1x2 GW cliches - Duo feels neglected because of Heero's mission. Admittedly, with a twist, but still.

* * *

Duo walked into his apartment whistling. That is, the air he exhaled slid between his pursed lips and front teeth with a distinctive hiss. Thank god the bloody day was over! Normally he liked his job, but there were only so many assholes a man can suffer through. He hoped Heero, who got off earlier, would be at home waiting with a hot dinner.

Duo's mouth watered at the very thought of his boyfriend's cooking. Oh, boy. Sure, he was slightly demented, but once the food got through all the necessary stages of probation (which usually meant Wufei or Trowa) and he got to dig in... He was usually hard pressed not to stuff himself to the point where he couldn't move. He just couldn't help it.

With such thoughts on his mind the young, hungry man hung his jacket and rounded the corner. A rather unpleasant surprise awaited him.

The kitchen was empty. Duo felt his eyes start to water. He had such a bloody bad day, everyone was bent on annoying him – Une questioned the comma use in his reports (for real, who cares about commas?! His grammar and spelling was damn perfect, so piss off!); fellow officers suddenly found a stack of papers only he could look through (apparently someone mistakenly dumped them in an unused bathroom in a pack marked 'Dangerous Beaver Files'); a whole bunch of recruits expressed their surprise at his choice of haircut ('I didn't know Preventer hired pansies); the cleaning lady deliberately left her mop in the doorway, causing him to spill his perfect coffee. Okay, maybe the day didn't sound too bad when he reviewed it for the hundredth time, but he was feeling a bit under the weather as well.

It was A Bad Day. And there was no Heero. Duo sniffed.

"I will not cry," he whispered aloud. True to his word, the tears didn't fall. He desperately wished for a hug. But no such luck. Heero obviously had better things to do. Oh yeah - he'd mentioned he would be going with Sally to her mothers to check out some new recipes.

He really felt like the kitchen was serious competition nowadays. Heero devoted his free time to research and the making of any new recipe he could find. They barely went out anymore! Duo felt like crying again. Sure, there was the occasional dinner with candles and wine and a myriad of pies and other good things, but he started to get the feeling he was only being treated as a food taster. Not that he had anything against Heero's new hobby. It was just that... he was lonely. He was lonely inside, he needed a lot of contact with his love, be it physical or emotional, but nowadays all of Heero's attention was devoted to pots and pans. And the oven.

Duo slowly walked to the bedroom. He kicked off his jeans and threw himself onto the bed. His left hand automatically rose to his face, and his eyes slid over the thin silver ring. Here was the real reason for his bad day.

Today was their anniversary. And he would spend it all alone. Losing the competition for Heero's attention to ancient recipes.

* * *

The End


	5. Duo's Benefits

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #5: Duo's Benefits.  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: PG  
Warning: A bit of angst, emotional-ness  
Word Count: 572  
Notes: Following the most cliché of all GW clichés: Duo feeling neglected by Heero, who has a 'mission'.

* * *

The door opened slowly. Heero moved in quietly, trying to step as lightly as possible, which wasn't easy considering his heavy boots. He closed the door behind him, took off his shoes and jacket and headed for the bedroom. It was well after one a.m. and he was tired. His every intention at the moment was to drop onto the bed and fall asleep, preferably with a hearty cuddle from his lover.

Foregoing the precautions, Heero opened the bedroom door and froze. Duo was lying on the bed, fully clothed. That didn't happen at all - Duo cherished the idea of having special clothes to sleep in and linen that smelled of their flowery fabric softener. He always spent ages picking just the right brand and just the right smell, different each and every time - he must have been sick or really exhausted to fall into bed in his clothes. With his heart in his mouth, Heero tiptoed to the bed so that he could see his lover's face. A sudden assault of emotions threatened to overcome him.

There were traces of tears on that normally cheerful face. They were still wet when Heero touched them, so most likely Duo had cried in his sleep. But why would he cry?

The answer hit him when his eyes fell to the silver band on Duo's ring finger.

Oh, hell. How could he forget! Very slowly Heero knelt on the floor staring mutely at his best friend. He had forgotten. For the first time in his life he had forgotten something important.

Suddenly he felt like crying himself. Some desolate part of his mind piped up telling him that Duo should be proud that the Perfect Soldier finally indulged in the small benefits of peace like forgetting stuff, but the bigger part, the one that wasn't so much influenced by Duo as devoted to Duo, whacked the other upside the tiny, imaginary head.

Those were Duo's benefits from his hard-won peace. His own apartment, his clean floors, his shiny furniture, his favourite white linen, weekly scrubbing of all the flat surfaces; all that was his home. As well as his best friend with whom he lived, whom he loved most of all. As well as the small things that couples had done from the beginning of time: romantic dinners, an occasional bouquet and celebrating the anniversaries.

It's not like he needed anything overwhelming really: Heero had developed a habit of stopping by a nearby flower-shop every two weeks on his way home (on Fridays, when Duo was home before him) and purchasing a just perfect armful of flowers. The girl working there knew him and always prepared a handful of suggestions for his fortnightly missions; Duo usually spent the Saturday morning researching the various meanings behind a particular bouquet. The anniversaries happened only once a year, so no real problem there. Supposedly.

Heero sighed heavily and very carefully spooned behind Duo on the bed, pressing his face against his lover's neck. He would make it up to Duo. Maybe they'd go to a fancy restaurant; they rarely did that nowadays, what with his new-found passion for cooking and frying. Nevertheless, a vacation was in order. Most likely from the kitchen as well. Heero considered sighing at the thought, but in the end keeping his Duo happy was more important. After all, it was for Duo that Heero had decided to take up cooking.

The End


	6. All the Luck in the World

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #6: All the Luck in the Word.  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: PG  
Warning: A bit of angst, emotional-ness. Sap. Fluff. Get in touch with your dentist.  
Word Count: 616  
Notes: Following the most cliché of all GW clichés: Duo feeling neglected by Heero, who has a 'mission'. Resolution.

* * *

Duo woke up slowly, sluggishly. His head was heavy, but his body was enveloped in pleasant warmth, one he loathed to part with. Sighing quietly he snuggled into his pillow, casting a look at his silver ring almost absentmindedly. Oh well. It wasn't the end of the world yet. Sure, he would have loved a present, or at least a nice kiss, but hey, it was only one anniversary.

He didn't need one day a **year** to feel that his relationship blossomed, Heero understood that. Sure, he was being ignored sometimes in favour of the kitchen, but he would surely be presented with the outcome, most likely set on a pristine white table-cloth accompanied with roses and wine. How many guys who didn't go out with chefs could expect that? He knew he was lucky – he could have dealt with instant noodles and take-out, but who was he to complain if Heero enjoyed spending his time banging the pots in the kitchen?

"I was an idiot," he said out loud. Noticing his state of undress he felt a surge of warm feelings for Heero. He was tucked lovingly into his favourite flannel pyjamas with kittens on them and wrapped in his wonderfully soft blanket that his partner had got him last year for Christmas. It was a wonder he'd slept through it, but he usually slept very deeply after an emotional time. "Heero sure is sorry, no reason to cry over it." Stepping into his slippers he moved silently to the kitchen and smiled. Predictably, Heero was fussing over pancakes. Stealthily Duo walked over and slipped his arms around his lover, laying his head between his shoulder blades.

Heero stiffened, spatula at the ready. "Duo?" he asked quietly.

"Mhm?"

"I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. I'm not that upset."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The guys, Quatre especially, was following me all day asking about it and making scornful comments, so I got a bit... well, you know. But that's Quatre we're speaking about – you know how he is about tradition and all that shit."

"You really don't mind?"

"Of course I mind!" Duo exclaimed indignantly. "I just said I'm not that upset! You still have to make it up to me!" Heero smirked and turned around, placing a brief kiss between the violet eyes.

"You had me worried there for a minute," he whispered and paused. "I... didn't forget really. It's just that, the week was going so fast I didn't realise it was yesterday. I got you a present and everything."

"Really?" Duo beamed. He loved presents. No matter who was getting them.

"Yeah. But I was thinking that we might go on vacation too." Duo blinked stupefied.

"Vacation?"

"Wednesday is a free day – if we took Monday and Tuesday off, we could go somewhere from say, tomorrow evening, for five days," Heero offered shyly. Duo furrowed his brow, deep in thought.

"Not if it interferes with my present," he announced finally. Heero smiled, partially relieved. The hardest part of making up was over. He'd apologised. He was forgiven. Sure, the sour taste would remain for a while, but it would pass. He would see to it.

Heero flipped the pancake he was working on and let it slide onto a plate. Duo, taking the hint, seated himself at the table, waiting patiently for the breakfast to be served. The dark-haired boy smiled and watched as his love dug in, beaming. They still needed to work today, and no doubt his ass would be grilled by Quatre as soon as he stepped in, but for the moment he felt that all the luck in the word had taken permanent residence in his apartment. He didn't need anything else.

* * *


	7. I'll have to settle for Avarice and Lust

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #7: I'll have to Settle for Avarice and Lust.  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: 1x2x1  
Rating: PG-15, for suggestive talk.  
Warning: About-to-have-sex scenario.  
Word Count: 516  
Notes: Vacation time! But the ghost of kitchen haunts their every step...

* * *

"Whoooa! It's great here!" Duo exclaimed as he stepped onto the balcony. The small hotel they were staying in was set directly on the seashore on some tiny island in Greece. The longhaired man took another deep breath and giggled. Vacation! Finally, free, uninterrupted time with his one-and-only. And to make matters even better – no kitchen in sight. Heero being Heero made sure that the hotel had a suitable reputation for food and other such details, but he wasn't required to do any of the cooking.

The self-proclaimed 'master chef' watched as his braided spouse bounced from the balcony into the room just to bounce back when something on the blue sea caught his eye. The process was repeated a couple of times, until finally Duo flipped onto the bed exhausted.

"It's beautiful here," he whispered, looking at the ceiling. Heero's eyes meanwhile, had found that during the bounces some of the chestnut hair had escaped the tight braid, shining against the silky covers. The loose shirt Duo had on as protection against the wind was open and the tank top underneath rode up, leaving the smooth plane of pale skin exposed to light and gaze. It was quite a patch of skin too – the Bermuda shorts were never too tight to begin with, and since Duo was stretched across the double bed, the actual waistband of the shorts allowed a clear view of Duo's, gray-with-teddy-bears boxers.

Heero pushed himself away from the wall and sauntered closer, kneeling on the bed. Seeing that Duo's eyes were closed, he lowered his head without warning, dipping his tongue into the exposed bellybutton.

The violet-eyed man yelped, causing Heero to smirk. Suckling gently on the fair skin he moved lower, until his mouth reached the feeble barrier the clothing presented, where he stopped and rested his chin on Duo's abdomen.

"You know, I regret not having a kitchen round here," he remarked. His spouse looked at him in disbelief. They were supposed to enjoy this vacation together! He sure as hell didn't anticipate Heero actually wanting to spend their... well, it was a sort of a honeymoon; the blue-eyed man had said so himself! Duo was torn between feeling hurt and insulted. Meanwhile, Heero continued his thought. "I found this recipe for a light, cappuccino-brandy cream and I have a feeling it would taste delicious served with... flesh," he said punctuating the statement with a long swipe of his tongue.

Duo laughed out loud. "You're incorrigible, Heero!"

"I do my best," the man replied grinning in return. "Well then, since I can't quite satisfy avarice, gluttony and lust, I'll have to settle for avarice and lust plain," he added, sliding the shorts along with underwear from his mate's slender hips. "I don't quite understand how I'm supposed to avoid sinning, with you being right next to me, so delicious." The appreciative smirk hovering above him made Duo's breath catch.

"Delicious even without the cappuccino-brandy cream?" he managed in-between short pants.

"Love, you'd be delicious even with kidney pie(1)," Heero hummed before sending them both spiraling higher than the clouds.

* * *

(1) Was originally supposed to be 'spinach' but I like spinach, so obviously it wouldn't do. 


	8. Food Taster Extraordinaire

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #8: Food Taster Extraordinaire.   
Author: Keiran   
Pairing: mentioned 1x2x1   
Rating: PG.   
Warning: mentions shounen-ai   
Word Count: 627

Thank you Deb for betaing! glomps Deb

xxXXXxx

Wufei was sitting at home, minding his own business. He'd had a decent lunch; he was well-rested; it was Saturday; he wouldn't see Yuy and his cooking for at least a day more - what was there not to love? The man sighed contentedly, stretching as far as the couch would allow.

With a leisurely smile he reached to the coffee table, picking up a pair of reading glasses and a book. The glasses went up on his nose, the book was carefully opened and set on his lap, allowing the man to reach out once more, for a cookie and a sip of tea. He felt a bit guilty as he munched his way through the treat: a minute ago he was happy that wouldn't have to see Yuy until Monday, yet now he was blissfully indulging in one of the cookies he'd snatched from the man.

Then again, Wufei mused, it was sufficient payment for being stuffed with fresh spinach leaves the other day. Apparently Duo expressed his astonishment over the lack of spinach in his diet, so Yuy naturally set off to correct his mistake. After all, research had shown that even though someone had indeed made a mistake with a comma a long time ago and henceforth the amount of iron in the cursed greenery had supposedly been as high as vegetably possible, it was still nutritionally valuable.(1)

But Yuy, apart from being anal retentive when it came to food, was also and aesthete. No surprise there, considering whom he was involved with, Wufei reflected. Duo was indeed eye-candy. It was a bit dangerous though, when Heero's tendencies leaked into his culinary interests. Who hadn't heard the story of Yuy staying up all night to decorate a cake, only to wake Duo up in the wee hours of the morning, when it refused to meet aesthetic standards.

The point was, Yuy distrusted weird-looking food and a handful of weeds thrown into a pot and cooked until they resembled seaweed, definitely fell into that category. And that was largely it: anything Yuy distrusted, would need to be checked thrice. Wufei would have found it hilarious, had in fact, when he watched Trowa being presented with a plateful of greenish goo, smelling of garlic. The hilarity died down to amusement though, when the next day Quatre went through the same treatment.

When he was forcibly fed the spinach leaves on the third day, the amusement had already been history. Usually only one of them suffered, while Duo (and the rest, once Duo was full) reaped the benefits. Heero never tried it, (he did eat it afterwards though), and would not let himself be convinced that Duo didn't need a personal food-taster. Nothing Heero cooked could be potentially dangerous, not after the fuss he kicked up when looking for healthy and fresh items. He had, eventually, seen sense, or lack thereof, of checking for taste - Duo told him, rather forcibly too, that since he'd spent most of his childhood eating from the trash cans, his taste-buds, while still sensitive, had learned to filter the impressions going to his brain. 'Good' turned to 'yummy', 'yummy' became 'absolutely delightful' while 'disgusting' translated to 'apparently necessary'.

Taking all into consideration, Wufei was peeved when the phone rang, announcing that on the other side of the line there was an emergency. Grumbling, he threw on his jacket, grabbed his keys and marched out of the door. "'Food Taster Extraordinaire, Chang Wufei' my business card should read," the black-haired man said to himself. "At least this saves me the trouble of cooking tonight, since Yuy is toast if he doesn't feed me well for my trouble," he said resolutely, setting off on the short trip to his friend's apartment.

xxXXXxx

(1)I read something like that a long time ago in 'Focus' magazine: while studying spinach, someone accidentally put a comma in the wrong place (namely one to the left) and so the amount of iron in the green leaves was multiplied tenfold! Therefore many kids in the world had to suffer eating the green goo, hearing it's good for their health... I personally like spinach, but didn't as a kid. So can sympathize.


	9. Aesthetic? Gastronomical? Flight of fanc...

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #9: Aesthetic? Gastronomical? Flight of fancy?   
Author: Keiran   
Pairing: 1x2x1   
Rating: PG   
Warning: apart from slight shounen-ai, none.   
Word Count: 614

Notes: In the end.

Thank you Deb for betaing! Deb asphyxiates slowly under Keiran's enthusiastic glomp Ooops.

xxXXXxx

Duo was sitting in the living room, his feet dangling from the couch leisurely. He had been forbidden to enter the kitchen ever since Heero had declared an emergency. The thought made him snort. What was Heero afraid of, that the stuffing would spring up and eat him? Eating was such an affair in this household; fortunately his lover was satisfied if a dish passed through a test the first time he'd done it, or else it would be hell.

... But since Heero had made it his personal mission to cook up new ideas every other day, there was a lot of things to curse at.

The braided man sighed. He wasn't a sophisticated eater: anything that got the necessary calories into his stomach was good. Sure, he wasn't going to protest when he was being served French onion soup, based on a home-made broth, with garlic-and-cheese bread for starters, but having to endure Wufei grumbling about having to act as a laboratory rat, wasn't doing wonders for his appetite.

Speaking of Wufei – the doorbell rang in a manner strongly suggesting the person on the other side was less than calm.

"Hello Wuffers," Duo greeted, opening the door. The black-haired man eyeballed him silently while walking in.

"You had better prepare three plates, Yuy, or you're going to suffer!" he hissed rather loudly. Duo smirked. He could tell Wufei didn't mind all that much, especially since Heero was a damn good cook. The tousled hair poked out the kitchen door, zeroing in on the oriental man.

"Wufei," he greeted. "In here."

Wufei cast a glance at Duo, who shrugged in response. "Don't ask me, he hasn't told me what he's making, as usual, and he hasn't let me into the kitchen since."

The kitchen door, Wufei decided, should have a sign 'Abandon all hope, ye who enter here'. He shivered slightly, contemplating what was the nature of today's problem. Aesthetic? Gastronomical? Flight of fancy?

Heero was standing in the middle of the kitchen, with a look of mistrust, bewilderment and utter disbelief on his face. He looked into a bowl filled with yellowish-white substance, marked by a darker yellow, glassy square. On the counter lay a mold of dough, rolled thin and cut into circles. As soon as Wufei entered the bowl was thrust into his face, along with a spoon.

'Aesthetic, then,' the black-haired man decided. The goop in the bowl didn't look appetizing. Nevertheless, he picked up the spoon and carefully delivered a bit of the mystery goop into his mouth.

Hm... He had never tasted anything quite like it. He distinctively felt some fried onion, but the rest of the blend was a mystery. "It's good, if a little odd," he said finally. "What's in it?" Heero frowned.

"Onions, potatoes and cottage cheese," he replied. Wufei raised a brow.

"Where did you get that recipe?"

"The web."

"Well, I'd say it's safe to go," Wufei declared, leaning against the counter. Heero glared at him in response.

"I know! I haven't finished yet!"

"Then why did you call me?" the black-eyed man asked incredulously. Occasionally it happened that Heero made a dish that didn't involve much tampering, like salads for example; tasting wouldn't be required. Wufei watched with growing disbelief as the chef shuffled to his feet, getting a bit red in the face.

"The recipe says that I put this," he indicated the goop, "into the dough." The other man cast a glance to the counter, understanding dawning.

"Ah, like dumplings. And?" More shuffling.

"I don't know how," Heero muttered finally, the blush getting darker.

Wufei stared. 'The immediate future,' he decided, 'includes me rolling on the floor. Laughing.'

xxXXXxx

Author's notes: This was inspired by two things: Keara's 'Smacznego!', which refers to the same food, and my mommy visiting me in the UK and bringing me some pierogi. My favorite food!

Someone had asked for recipes (sorry I can't remember your name! My folders are such a mess!). This one points to pierogi is the only actual dish I used (apart from spinach). It is delicious, and I will post the recipe, as soon as mum sends it to me. With the next 'Chef Heero', I hope.


	10. Contributing to the Christmas Spirit

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #10: Contributing to the Christmas Spirit.  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: implied 1x2x1  
Rating: PG.  
Warning: shounen-ai  
Word Count: 895

Thank you Deb for betaing! glomps Deb

* * *

Heero glared his way through a crowd. He cursed internally at the braided idiot, who seemed to think that Christmas shopping was fun. He cursed at the braided idiot who seemed to think that getting sick a week before Christmas was fun.

Very carefully, Heero paused and inspected one of the bags. Oranges, check. Lemons, check. Grapefruit, check. Tea, check. Honey, check. The braided idiot will be up and about for Christmas, if it killed him.

Finally reaching his car, Heero sat down with a soft whoosh. Mentally he went through his shopping list. Yes, he did have everything. Upon receiving confirmation, his mind automatically switched to other matters. Would a French onion soup be acceptable for Duo's cold? Or would a simple broth be better? Pondering the question, Heero pulled out of the mall's car park and carefully drove home.

Parking his car before his apartment block, Heero came to a decision: French onion soup. Not only did it contain onions, which were rather healthy, but also it would be accompanied with toast with garlic and melted cheese. Garlic was healthy as well.

Plus of course there were having guests. Heero shook his head. Their collective morons of friends apparently decided that a sick Duo needed both attention and cheering up. The dark-haired man snorted to himself, carrying the bags inside. As if he wouldn't provide both on his own!

As he opened the doors, all of Heero's senses were assaulted by Christmas. The living room was mostly dark, save for a few small lights in the corners and a magnificent Christmas tree, whose smell, mixed with freshly baked set of Christmas cookies, filled the air. There was laughter in the atmosphere, combined with overwhelming warmth, not necessarily of the sweltering category. Heero stopped in the doorway, leaning his head against the wall.

Predictably, Duo was in the middle of it all, safely tucked in a blanket and warm socks, sitting in the middle of the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in his hand. His eyes brightened when he saw his boyfriend.

"Heero! C'mere!" he exclaimed patting the couch next to himself. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Sally and, by some Christmas miracle, Relena were all seated around him on the carpet and rolled-up blankets. The dark-haired man obeyed, hugging Duo and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Since you seem to be feeling so much better, I understand you will be doing the seasonal cleaning tomorrow?" Duo scrunched his nose adorably.

"Nope. I'm still very, very ill," he answered, beaming. The group laughed. Heero gave his partner one final squeeze and got up.

"I'll start cooking then," he announced. He noted, with some pleasure, that Trowa, Quatre and Wufei squirmed slightly in place and opened their mouths in unison. "But since Duo is sick, I'm afraid I can't risk experimenting," he sighed dramatically. He grinned wryly when he saw the three visibly relax. Duo, however, pouted.

"Hey! You just got back and you're goin' back to the kitchen already?" Heero smirked and bent down to nuzzle Duo's neck.

"I won't be long. The shopping needs to be put away," he said taking a deep breath and pausing. Something didn't smell… usual. It was a nice smell, albeit unusual. "What is that smell?" Heero asked puzzled, inhaling deeply. Slightly spicy with a note of fresh citrus…

The group's curiosity was piqued. As one, the five young people got up and Duo suddenly found himself being sniffed by six curious individuals. "Hey!" he batted at them with one hand, having left the empty cup in Wufei's care some minutes ago. "Down boys! And girls! I ain't a smelling post!"

A bit unwillingly, everyone, save Heero, backed down. "What is it?" Relena asked curiously. "It smells nice." Duo's cheeks coloured slightly as he looked down. He mumbled something into the folds of the blanket. After a few seconds he reluctantly withdrew the other arm from under the blanket.

"It's bit silly I know," he murmured, face flaming. In his hand was a round, mostly brown… thing, for a lack of better word. Six curious heads neared the unknown object cautiously.

"What is it?" someone asked finally after confirming that indeed that was the source of the spicy smell. Duo's cheeks went a little more red.

"It's just an orange," he mumbled. "Spiked with cloves." His eyes raised to meet Heero's uncertainly. "Sister Helen bought oranges at Christmas for us, but there was never enough for us all to have one, so we had to share, but she would always take one and spike it with cloves. She said it was important that Christmas was not only food but smell and light too." Ducking his head slightly he continued. "I… always tried to have one for Christmas."

A brief silence descended on the room. Duo could distinctively here the roaring of his own blood echoing off the walls. 'Right now I could probably save Christmas on my own,' he though dryly to himself, 'what with my ears flaming like that.'

He was, therefore, surprised, when his small frame was crushed under a weight-equivalent of a wheelbarrow of bricks in a very enthusiastic, teary-eyed group hug.

The spiked orange rolled under the Christmas tree, its scent mixing with that of green needles, contributing to the Christmas Spirit, even though there was still, technically speaking, a week to go.

* * *

Note: We do that to an orange, every Christmas! It really smells nice, less intensive than cloves alone, more spicy than an orange. The really nice thing is, that the whole thing somehow holds really well and smells good the whole time! It just dries. Last Christmas I think we kept ours until February! 


	11. Too Cute for Words

Title: Chef Heero's Selection #11: Too Cute for Words.  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: implied 1x2x1  
Rating: PG.  
Warning: implied shounen-ai.  
Word Count: 500

Thank you Deb for betaing! glomps Deb

* * *

Ah, the wonders of lunch breaks… Wufei sighed happily walking slowly into the Preventer's cafeteria. Against the experience of millions, and common sense, this particular cafeteria served food that was not only edible but tasty even.

It might have had something to do with the brick than flew in through the window some time ago and broke in half on the meatloaf, the Chinese Preventer mused. Sure, the culprit had been caught and questioned (and turned out to be a random rebellious teenager), but the cafeteria workers caught the undertones of silence and knowing smirks that some agents gave them. Ever since then the standard of food had risen dramatically.

So, as had already been said, Wufei walked into the cafeteria, picked a plateful of pizza and, noticing Duo in the corner, walked towards the table. Approaching his braided friend he realized something was odd with the picture. Duo didn't exude his usual 'I'mhappyareyouhappytooit'ssuchafinedaytobehappy!!' air. No, the violet-eyed Preventer was sitting by the table stabbing at his lunch box with a vengeance and a pair of chopsticks.

Wufei just stood looking at the other oddly for a few moments. Finally he set his tray on the table and seated himself.

"What has the lunch box ever done to you?" he asked, peeking in curiously. The insides look rather ordinary to him – seasoned rice, some prawns, little pieces of meat, vegetables – your average bento box. Given Yuy's recent obsession with Asian cooking, a perfectly ordinary lunch. Nevertheless, Duo scowled at him and continued to poke the prawns with the chopsticks.

Wufei waited patiently. At long last Duo raised his eyes from his abused meal and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that, FeiFei. I'm a bit frustrated."

"Give the man a Nobel prize," the other man muttered. "Maxwell, the fact that you're frustrated was reported to Une the moment you set foot in the cafeteria," the Chinese man paused to check his watch, "half an hour ago. **Why** are you frustrated?" Duo blushed lightly.

"Well… You know Hee-baby is going through a regional cooking phase right now?" Wufei nodded. Yes, and he was in Kyoto, Japan at present. "And when he is in a region, he **is** in a region." A proverbial light turned on over the Chinese man's head. Plucking the tricky utensils from his friend's hand he carefully (and slowly) positioned them in Duo's right hand.

"Now, you move the upper one with your thumb and forefinger," he instructed, wishing internally he had brought his camera. Yuy, no doubt, would have loved the picture of Duo scowling at two innocent pieces of wood for not being pointy enough to eat with, but attacking the rice all the same. Smirking to himself, Wufei openly stole a fried prawn from Duo's lunch box and got up briefly. "You guys together are just too cute for words," he concluded, sitting back down with a fork taken from the cutlery tray behind Duo's back.

Smirking at the glower it got him, Wufei dug in himself.

* * *

End. 


	12. You've Got to Be Pigging Me!

Title: Chef Heero's Selection 12: You've Got to Be Pigging Me!  
Author: Keiran  
Pairing: implied 1x2x1  
Rating: G  
Warning: Shounen-ai implied, odd animal choice.  
Word Count: 710

Betaed by Deb! All hail Deb!

Dedicated to Tsu, for the piggying she does with me!

xxxXXxxx

Heero exited the car with a deep sigh. Finally, he was home. In no time at all he would be smothered with kisses, hugged till he couldn't breathe anymore and then end up cooking something delicious for his braided spouse.

"I never thought I would ever see you look quite this dreamy," Trowa remarked, shutting the driver's door behind himself. Wufei snorted lightly as he joined the other two.

"So? I'm happy to be back home, go sue me," the blue-eyed man muttered, cradling the bag containing today's dinner possessively. Reaching the staircase door, Heero paused. "Why are you guys following?"

"Maxwell has a stack of files that I need tomorrow at the office," Wufei explained. "Since Trowa is giving me a lift as well, we might as well both come up and ransack your 'Special Cookie Cupboard'." Heero rolled his eyes.

"I've been gone for three weeks. There's a slim chance that there's something still left."

"Heero, I saw the state the fridge was in when you left. Duo could probably feed a small country for a month on the hors-d'oeuvres alone. Plus, he doesn't have that much of a sweet tooth."

"Hn." Making their way upstairs, the trio fell quiet. Trowa and Wufei could almost savour the heavenly smell and taste the cookies with the 'Heero-Approved' mark on them. They hungrily followed the brown haired man's movements. As Heero opened the door to his apartment they followed immediately, hung up their coats and, still following their friend's example, stopped and gaped.

There was a little piglet sitting in the middle of the floor looking at them warily. If little piglets could look homicidal, this one must have been in a killing rage.

Before blood could be shed however, the tiny pinkish apparition stood up and trotted into the living room.

Heero leaned against a wall weakly. His brain tried to make sense of what he had just seen, but it had to give up, eventually. Soldiers and little piggies in the middle of hallways did not mix well.

"Duo!" he cried weakly, clutching the bags with the groceries tightly, like they were the last link to reason. Almost magically, a slightly dishevelled head appeared in the kitchen doorway. Violet eyes twinkled brightly, as their owner jumped into Heero's arms and smothered him with kisses.

"I missed you!"

"I did too baby. Just… give me a minute, I don't feel too well."

"What, is something wrong, Hee-baby?" Duo asked seriously looking carefully into his partner's blue eyes.

"I thought I just saw a piglet in our hall," Heero confessed, feeling a little silly. It sounded so ridiculous now that he'd said it out loud, even he had to admit it, even if Trowa and Wufei still stood in the background with their mouth's wide open.

Duo, however, took it rather calmly, blushing only slightly.

"I was hoping I would get to talk to you first,…" he said disappearing in the kitchen for a brief moment. When he emerged, there was a suckle-bottle filled with a white substance dangling from his fingers. "Porcieval!"

To the silent trio's utter mind-boggling disbelief, the little piglet trotted easily back into the hallway and gave them a look. Duo smiled brightly and picked the small creature up. Immediately the pig started nuzzling his face with its little snout. The long-haired man kissed the top of the long muzzle and manoeuvred the bottle so that the animal could suck the – supposed – milk, still throwing wary glances at the trio gaping stupidly in the hallway.

"Duo," Heero began, very slowly, his tone dangerous. "There is a little piglet in your arms." Duo turned his wide-eyes at him, sticking out his bottom lip and pouting attractively.

"B-but I promised Dorothy I would take care of him for a while! She had to go with Relena, and poor Porcieval is just a little baby…"

And so, when the pout was decorated by huge, teary eyes, Heero gave up, and thrust one of his bags haphazardly at Wufei and Trowa.

"Why are you giving me that?" Wufei hissed, trying to guess the contents. Heero gave him a long look in response.

"You don't expect me to offer Duo **pork**, while its descendant is prancing about the kitchen, do you?"

**End**.


End file.
